


Escaping Darkness

by misa_pb



Category: Prison Break
Genre: Darkness, Drug Addiction, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death, Overworking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-06-25 23:35:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15651234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misa_pb/pseuds/misa_pb
Summary: Post season 4 and non-epilogue compliant. Michael and Sara are exonerated, no one gets a nosebleed on the beech walk and no one's arrested for murder. They move back to Chicago and begin a new life, with a fresh start. Something happens and Sara finds herself falling back into old habits, Michael is not sure he can be enough to save her from herself.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Michael and Sara are starting a new life together but something troubles their happy paradise yet again and things starts to crumble down for the both of them. 
> 
> I've always wanted to explore Sara's addiction problem as well as Michael's LLI and psychatric condition. Please rewiew.

Exonerated. After finally being free and having a small wedding on the beach, Michael and Sara decided to go back to Chicago and start a normal life. No running, no guns...But also no sailing away, no running away like criminals, no deserted beach with white sand and palm trees, no fantaisies as such. Michael and Sara had wanted something more real. They had wanted to have the luxury they never had, of leading a simple mundane life back in their home city. And after the few days of wedding bliss faded off, they both knew that's what they wanted from life.

 

A normal, simple, maybe boring life to others, but the world to them. Sara had wanted them to start afresh, reminding Michael of the filet mignon he still owed her and her husband had found happiness in not having to worry and giving his full time to his beautiful wife. They had truly started afresh with their relationship, getting to know each other more, favorite dishes and colors. It felt as if they just started dating, which was ironic since they were newly wed but felt so nice to them.

 

They had the chance to live their relationship maybe how they would have started it, in another life, if there was no Fox River. Just Michael the engineer and Sara the doctor, maybe meeting at a coffee shop, bumping into each other in the street or in a market...The slate was wiped clean, and they enjoyed their love and took their time, now that they finally had it in hands. Monsters of the past were there for both, deep inside, but they were so happy and joyous in the bliss of being together and safe and have their whole life ahead of them that they often forgot the past, for, the present was so precious to them.

 

They bought a small apartment in the centre of Chicago, both having always lived in the city and working there. Michael found a job, it was less paid for than the previous one and he had to work harder, but doing his job seemed so easy compared to the plans he'd been making for the past months. To her pure joy, Sara was granted her medical licence back and had found a job at Northwestern, she couldn't be happier. Both had taken the time to find themselves again, their profession and their devotion for their respective works, parts of their identities, the ones they had been forced to left behind.

 

Living together had implied to get to know their habbits too, small and mundane things that meant so much to the couple that had craved for it. The appartement was the right amount of elegant and modern, they had an open kitchen with a wide living room giving on the city's towers with it's glace facade. And two bedrooms, one for them, one for the baby. They didn't want too big or lavish, just cosy enough, any guests such as Lincoln could always sleep on the sofa-bed of the living room. 

 

Michael found out Sara really meant it when she described herself as messy. Her shoes were often near the entrance when they had a shoe closet. She would always pile her clothes on a chair, or throw them on it as Michael thought and wait for the end of the week to send that huge pile to laundry. Michael had found that ridiculous, untidy and not proper. But eventually, seeing her clothes of the day piled on that chair as she left before he was home for a night shift, or seeing her scrubs piled there before he found her exhausted sleeping form on the sofa brought a smile to his lips. It made him frown at first how he found her eating cereals for dinner on the coffee table in front of the TV.

 

''Meals are done on the dinner table, with the TV off.'' he had instructed and she had laughed mocking he sounded like her father. He had reprimended at how she never eat anything properly, Sara did breakfast and one meal a day with two breaks for coffee, that she recently tried to replace with tea. She didn't knew how to cook, another excuse, he didn't mind that but she was lazy to order too apparently. ''You eat anything at anytime and sometimes you eat nothing.'' Doctor habits she'd told him. And after a few weeks Michael had found it particularly blissful to not care about meals and grab a box of pasta at midnight and share it on the couch watching series. 

 

Sara had discovered Michael was a perfectionist, nearing the borders of maniac when wanted things kept by genre in the fridge while Sara's had always been half empty. He spoke about mess when there was barely her keys, purse and files laid on the countertop. He complained about the the sea of feminine hair, face products and make up she had when Sara literally used only deodorant, perfume, body cream, hair spray, foundation and lip balm. Most of all he needed all his shirts and tee's always pressed from laundry and hung on the dressing but Sara had taken on the (bad) habit to often use his shirts or tee's as PJ. And so, like her own clothes she used to drop them on her chair-come laundry bag. 

 

But Sara and Michael loved it, things could trigger tiffs between them but it was never serious, just mundane. And the both of them loved that, loved that the content of their tiffs were mundane things, not life defining. Now Michael used to smile when he found her wet towel on their bed or a shirt of his poking from her pile of clothes, and Sara grinned and often mocked him when she found the plates arranged by size order when doing the washing up or even when she found he had arranged her jeans in a gradient of color from lighter blue to darker. 

 

Sara was in a real bliss, being married to Michael, having her job back and a baby on the way, it's all she could want. And it all fit so perfectly into her life, for once Sara wasn't anxious or empty and lone. She was purely happy and nothing could take that away from her, she didn't knew if she could blame her pregnancy or the experience she's had but she found herself laughing off or shrugging over little problems that she could be mad at before. Like when her car broke down, she didn't get angry or pissed off, she happily took the bus to work while staring at the people passing by. 

 

Sara was one to keep discreet and socializing hadn't been her thing, for she hated her father's social circle and their fake smiles and boring conversations. But she's been so much in a bliss, Sara found herself greeting everyone, from the people of the building to the grocery store or the bus drivers. Yeah, since her experience she'd liked to take the bus when she felt lazy or was late. She had made a few friends in the neighborhood now, so as Michael. He joined the sport club and was genuinely happy and exited about becoming father. He had indeed bought numerous of baby magazines. He had been teased about it by Lincoln all too often, he'd been told these were girly magazines anyway, Sucre had taken Michael's side saying he would have done the same if he had the chance. Sucre and Maricruz had taken a small city house not too far away and both were so happy with Lila. 

 

Lincoln even called it gross when Michael got magazines for childbirth. He had an eyebrow furrowed and tried to understand the whole processus by comparing it with a machine's working and Sara had laughed and kissed his nose taking the magazine from him and reassuring him that she was a doctor and that things would be fine. 

 

Both had talked about how the baby wasn't planned and shared their fears, but the joy of being parents coated it all and they had agreed they would do their best because they loved their baby.

 

Michael hadn't seen Sara this happy, not ever. She'd grin and laugh all the time and he was glad because he loved the sound of her laughter and the fact that he was the cause of her joy. Sara Scofield herself brought so much happiness into his life, Michael found himself letting go at times and doing what his heart wished, he'd been feeling so much lighter. Four months had passed by so quickly, it just felt like yesterday when they got married.

 

Michael was in his office, working on a blueprint with his glasses on when the phone rang. ''Hey.'' He hear Sara's cheery voice and his own features relaxed his lips breaking into a smile.

 

''Hey yourself Tancredi.'' He smirked knowing she would scoff. 

 

''It's Scofield. Dr.Scofield.'' she corrected walking through the sea of people in the busy street. It was a cold month of february, had already snew a few times and the temperatures had been negatives too often. They were nearing 0 degrees by now and Sara's eyes were moist from the cold air and she held her coat tigher to herself, her hand holding the phone turning red from cold. ''Uh you're not too busy I hope?'' Sara asked taking a turn at a road and hiding her chin in her scarf. She was showing slightly by now, but her stomach was hid warmly through the layers of clothes and her coat. 

 

''Well I've got a lot of work.'' Michael started and Sara's smile faded a bit. ''Oh, no time for your wife?'' She said understanding and not letting her tone reflet her disappointment. Sara held a white plastic bag, she had brought some boxed pasta and a couple of donuts wanting to have her lunch with Michael before her long evening shift.

 

Michael sighed, as much as he wanted to talk more to Sara, he couldn't right now. ''I wanted to finish it quick so I can come back to you before you leave.'' Michael said honestly eyeing the pile of files, her shift started at 4 pm and he would like to see her before she left. ''You're distracting me right now.'' He said wickedly and Sara's lips curved in a smile again.

 

''If you wanted to see me before I leave for the hospital, I may have a solution Scofield.'' Sara smiled imitating her own doctor's neutral tone.

 

''Oh really, a new miracle solution, you're a lifesaver doc.'' He feigned enthusiasm and earned a giggle from the other end of the line. 

 

''Hope you didn't had lunch yet?'' Sara quipped and Michael looked at his watch. 2 pm.

 

''Nope, have been too busy. What's on your mind?'' He asked leaving his blueprints aside and moving to the window, he was distracted now, all he could think about was Sara.

 

''How about lunch with your wife?'' Sara suggested knowing however Michael wouldn't refuse.

 

''That'll be really nice. I'm calling it a break. Where do you want to go?''

 

''We're not going anywhere in this cold. I'm joining you in your office, it's much warmer.'' Sara spoke as some  from her lips and she kept herself walking not to shudder with cold.

 

Michael grinned knowing how Sara always pretended to be okay with the cold and blamed him to be too sensitive. ''It gets hotter when you come in here.'' Sara's already cold-pink cheeks flushed red. 

 

''I hope you remember the rule about nothing happening in our work places Scofield?'' Michael smirked knowing if he kissed her she wouldn't resist and would be the first one to throw him over the desk and rip his clothes away.

 

''It's a rule we've broken too many times already doc.'' He smiled, he loved hearing Sara's voice.

 

Sara smiled too, trying not to blush at the memories and looked up ahead of her seeing his office building from afar. Suddenly Sara felt an excruciating pain in her stomach that knocked the breath out of her, she stopped in her tracks sinking to the ground and dropping the food bag. Everything felt like it was in a slow motion, the cars honking, the noise of the metro not far, the people's steps and bustling around her, the flash of the signal lights changing from red to green, the noise of the scooters. Just for a moment everything felt so far, a buzzing echoed in her ears and her features were still in shock with her lips agap. She breathed in feeling nothing but the pain and trying to breath through it.

 

Michael didn't hear from Sara for a while and called her name without getting any response, he blamed the network at first but when he heard her rapid breathing over the street's noises, he stood up alert feeling fear gaining all his sense. 

 

''Sara? Sara do you hear me? Are you okay?'' Michael asked trying to keep his tone calm.

 

Sara felt so much pain that her breath came into small gasps as the cold air burned her throat. ''Michael.'' She called out in a small but high pitched voice and Michael's heart dropped.

 

''What's wrong Sara? What's happening?'' Michael asked and she gripped the phone tight while the orher still clutched at her stomach, all Sara could think was breathing, just like when she had felt a deep need of morphine.

 

_Breath Sara, nothing's wrong. Just breath._

 

The pain became a dull ache after a couple of seconds and Sara opened her eyes. ''I'm okay.'' She let out sakily and Michael closed his eyes, only half relived hearing her tone. ''Thank god, I'm coming to get you.'' Michael grabbed his coat and ran out of his cabin not taking the time to tell anyone, he pushed the lift button hastily.

 

Sara let go of her stomach and put her hand on the hard concrete to push herself up, she took a step forward and cried out feeling as if her sromach's just been decapitated with a bulldozer. Michael's breath got caught in his throat. ''Sara?'' His hands formed a fist and his eyes previously hurriedly looking at the red flashing numbers of the lift lost focus.

 

The pain was so intense Sara was whimpering but her throat went dry when she felt something hot pool on her cold jeans clad thighs, she reached down and touched her jeans hoping it was just the sauce of the pasta, or someone spilled coffee on her helpless form lying on the hard ground. She even wished for a second that it could be pee, she didn't care for how embarrassing it could be. But the smell she felt was too horrendous and heartbreakingly familiar for the doctor she was. Sara retrieved her hand and saw it covered in blood, she let out a strangled sob and held onto her stomach desperately as another form of pain invaded her heart.

 

_Her baby, their baby.._

 

''Sara!!'' Michael practically shouted through the phone that had fell from her hands. He gripped the lift's bar tapping his feet impatiently against the floor. ''Sara where are you? How far are you? Sara please!'' Panic filled every fiber of his body.

 

Sara's ears could only hear a far buzzing, someone knelt by her to ask how if she was okay or if he had to call 911, Sara couldn't hear anything. She curled into a ball and clutched on her stomach for dear life, baby's life. ''Michael..!'' Sara cried out through pain, she was losing the baby, she could feel it slip from her like sand from hands. 

 

\---


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the genre is not too dark, I wanted to explore this part of the characters. English is not my first language and I do my best but if there's any mistakes they're all mine and I apologies for them. Please rewiew :)

Sara's ears could only hear a far buzzing, someone knelt by her to ask how if she was okay or if he had to call 911, Sara couldn't hear anything. She curled into a ball and clutched on her stomach for dear life, baby's life. 'Michael..!' Sara cried out through pain, she was losing the baby, she could feel it slip from her like sand from hands. 

''Sara please tell me where you are, talk to me, please.'' Michael begged and was glad that the lift reached the ground floor, he ran like never before pushing a couple of staff members but not caring. He stepped into the cold street and looked from his right to his left. What had happened to Sara? Had she been shot? Taken from Company? Hurt by anyone? His worst fears resurfaced as he tried to keep his mind straight and and chose to take left, direction of their appartement and he hoped that's where she was coming from.

He could hear her cries of pain and his heart was teared into pieces. Sara let the tears free, she didn't need any explaining, she knew what was happening, she knew and it hurt even worse. 

Michael saw a crowd of people across the road and run almost getting knocked off by a couple of cars. He pushed through the crowd and his eyes widened in horror, he panted his breathing hitched more from the shock than the run. Sara lay in a pool of blood holding onto her stomach and crying from pain, thought her sobs were too heartbreaking for it to be only physical pain. 

''Sara!'' Michael knelt next to her holding her up in his arms. 

''Michael.'' Sara whimpered clutching to him as if it would make things right.

''It's gonna be okay sweetheart. Breath, just breath you're gonna be fine.'' Michael appeared strong and confident not to scare Sara further, he held her to him while screaming for someone to call for help.

Sara couldn't hear anything Michael said after that, the pain was ripping her body and she knew, she knew its wasn't gonna be okay. She pressed her face to his chest wanting to disapear from the world, Michael held Sara to him, to reassure him but also himself, he couldn't lose her, nor their baby.

When he didn't hear her sobbing against him anymore he pulled back his heart filled with fear. ''Sara! Sara open your eyes. Oh god..Sara!'' Michael looked up for help and heard the sirens of the ambulance coming. 

Everything happened so fast he could barely register anything apart from the cold feeling he got at the pit of his stomach as a paramedic shifted Sara into the ambulance, his shirt was covered in her blood and he couldn't breath, he held onto her hand hoping it would make her hang on, that it could make the baby hang on.

''Sir do you know her?'' One paramedic asked him questions but Michael's eyes were fixed on Sara's lifeless form as she was attended by others.

''I'm her husband.'' Michael let out skakily and was terrified, this was the first time things were totally out of his hands, he couldn't make a plan or save her from anyone, he couldn't make it right.

''Name?'' Michael gripped Sara's hand closer to him as the paramedic asking him questions noted his answers on a writing pad. ''Sara Scofield.'' Michael let out his voice heavy from emotion at pronouncing her name. ''Age?'' Michael only stared at Sara's face, he was scared, shit scared. ''Thirty.'' She was young, pregnancy shouldn't be a problem in this age. He lifted his focus to the black lady paramedic as she scribbled down Sara's age.

''She's pregnant.'' He informed and she raised her head. ''Alright, how many weeks?''

''Seventeen weeks, what's happening?'' Michael still didn't leave Sara's hand as they connected her to all sorts of wires and tried to manage all the blood. Michael watched them and looked down at Sara, she looked so pale, so deathly pale, he brought her fingers to his lips and lay a kiss there, silently begging her to not give up on him.

''Mr.Scofield, she's lost a lot of blood. We'll probably need to do a transfusion, what's her blood group?'' Michael had got a certain ability to keep his calm but beads of sweat appeared on his forehead. She was the doctor, she knew his blood group, he didn't, and right now he felt extremely guilty for not having an information that could be crucial for her. 

''I don't know, I don't know.'' He didn't finish his panicked words when the ambulance doors opened and Sara was wheeled through the emergency corridors. Michael didn't leave Sara's hand as he jogged beside her trying to keep his focus off her lifeless blood covered form and on the doctor's words. ''Need blood''. ''Low arterial tension''. ''Extract the embryon''. ''Body temperature dropping''. Michael's brain captivated each medical term and tried to understand them.

''Is she okay? What's happening?'' He shouted to make the doctors look at him. ''Get her in!'' A male doctor wearing glasses and a white coat instructed and Michael's hand was teared from hers, he watched the doors closing behind her and his heart clenched.

''Mr.Scofield does your wife has any medical antecedent?'' Michael didn't know, he knew she was an addict but that would sound so wrong, he didn't knew anything if Sara's already had any disease or the vaccinations she had, he held his head.

''Please, I need to know Mr.Scofield.''' Michael pushed back his tears, if the information was needed to her survival he couldn't hold it back.

''She was a drug addict, needles I don't know..'' he let out and took a heavy breath as he saw the doctor's eyes darken. No. He was thinking wrong, Sara hadn't taken anything, she would never do this to the baby and she had no reason to, she was so happy.

''But she's sober, she's been for months. She is a doctor here, Dr.Sara Scofield, maybe you can find more information on her work file.'' Michael spoke wanting to help as much as he could. He sounded so wrong, all he had said was he didn't know and it made him feel like a terrible husband. 

''Alright, thank you. You should go home and change, we'll keep you updated.'' The doctor left and Michael sank to one of the chair in the corridor not wanting to move to the waiting area. He looked at his shirt full of blood, it was cold now, there was no way Michael was leaving the hospital. He didn't cared, he wouldn't leave Sara alone.

He stood up and started pacing expecting a long agonising wait of hours, the thing that surprised him is how quick it went. Michael barely did recall a few of their happy memories that the doctor stepped out of the ward, his coat was covered in blood and he had a neutral face.

''Mr.Scofield?'' Michael immediately walked to him, the frown of worry never leaving him.

''Is she okay?'' 

''Your wife lost quite an amount of blood, her heart rate was low and she was dying. We did a transfusion and she still need two more blood bags we're giving her. She should be fine.'' Michael nodded, retaining the words dying. His Sara almost died. The doctor then looked down to his hands for a moment before looking back at him. ''But uh...your wife had a miscarriage Mr.Scofield.''

Michael's eyes widened in shock and he gulped at the information. ''You mean the baby..?'' Michael couldn't understand things for a while. ''I'm sorry, Dr.Scofield is on sedative right now. She needs rest, you can see her but it will be a while before she wakes up.'' That's all the doctor said before leaving Michael in utter state of denial.

He brought a hand to his mouth as tears filled his eyes.

~~~~~

Lincoln had found his brother in tears at the hospital, he hadn't told him anything on the phone, just to bring him a spare shirt. He feared for a minute that Sara died, Michael looked as lost and heartbroken as when he'd told him about Sara in Sona.

Michael informed them they lost the baby and Lincoln had sighed, miscarriages were frequent but he knew how much the baby had meant for his brother and Sara. But they needed to understand it wasn't their fault and accept what happened.

''Michael Scofield?'' A young blonde called for him and Michael wiped at his eyes looking up.

''Yes?'' The blonde had a compassionate look in her eyes and Michael hoped Sara's state hadn't degraded again.

''I'm Anna, uh..I mean Dr.Houston. I am Sara's friend.'' She took a seat beside him and Michael nodded.

''Have you seen her? Will she be okay?'' Michael needed confirmation from her, he wouldn't stop being worried unless he'd seen Sara.

Anna took a deep breath. ''Physically yeah but..she loved the baby already. She'd be so happy.'' Michael's eyes filled with tears again, he knew, Sara loved the baby more than she herself knew, she could doubt herself how much she wanted, her love for her unborn was undeniable.

''She used to smile and talk about her baby all the time, and about you. I've only known her for a short period of time but she was so attached to the baby, I've rarely seen women so in love with their child in the first trimester. She's gonna be destroyed and I..I'm so sorry for your loss.'' Anna spoke genuinely concerned and Michael nodded at her his heart crushing.

As much as he'd knew Dr.Tancredi, she was professional and didn't let her feelings overpower her work, she was all joy even at the hospital, Michael's heart shattered for his wife, this was a destroying news to the both of them.

''She really loves you, I hope you both can remain strong through this and that someday you have a family with as much children as you both want.''

 

Sara was holding her baby in her arms, it was the cuter and most lovable creature she'd ever seen. She'd never felt this much joy and love before, she was a mother. Sara couldn't believe it, she had fought her old demons, fought the Company and this little baby was the best thing she ever did, after marrying Michael. The baby started crying slightly and she cooed to it trying to calm the infant, the wails became more intense and Sara felt the baby disappearing from her arms to be replaced with cold blood. Everything turned black and all she could heart was a steady bip-bip replacing the baby's cries.

''Sara..Sara?'' She heard her name being called by a ghostly voice and her eyes blinked, blinded by the light she closed them again and slowly opened them. She was in the hospital, only she wasn't in the right position, she shouldn't be lying ont the bed but standing by it.

She felt her hand being squeezed and turned her head to see Michael sitting beside her, his eyes were red and she could still see the patch of tears on his cheeks, her hand instinctively went to hold his face, never wanting to see him so heartbroken and sad when she felt a small pinch in her hand and it all came back to her. The pain, falling on the crowded cold street, bleeding out, losing her baby.

Sara gasped and brought both of her hands to her stomach trying to sit up. ''Sara?'' Michael called seeing her panicked reaction. She looked at him her eyes questioning and filled with pain.

Michael closed his own eyes in pain and Sara had her answer, she bit her lip and let her head fall pack on the white pillow, she stared at the ceiling. She didn't cry, she didn't scream, she didn't blame anyone, she wasn't angry. Michael had envisaged all scenarios in his head for her reaction and as much as he dreaded it he found himself deciding he would hold her and let her, let her cry, let her scream at him if she needed, let her blame him if she wanted, he would just hold her. But she didn't.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the theme isn't too dark. Please rewiew :)

Michael closed his own eyes in pain and Sara had her answer, she bit her lip and let her head fall pack on the white pillow, she stared at the ceiling. She didn't cry, she didn't scream, she didn't blame anyone, she wasn't angry. Michael had envisaged all scenarios in his head for her reaction and as much as he dreaded it he found himself deciding he would hold her and let her, let her cry, let her scream at him if she needed, let her blame him if she wanted, he would just hold her. But she didn't.

''Sara talk to me.'' He sounded so desperate, his own voice so broken for the loss he felt. Sara didn't even look at him. ''I'm sorry.'' She said her voice calm, not breaking and he wondered for a second if she realised what happened, was she in shock?

''We lost baby, we lost our baby Sara.'' Michael held her wrist and told her as he tried to seek a reaction from her.

''I'm sorry Michael.'' Sara repeated still staring at the ceiling, her heart ached so bad. She lost her first baby, Michael's baby. Yet Sara couldn't bring herself to cry, she was feeling too empty and destroyed for that.

''What? No!'' Michael held her hand from her stomach as he understood she was blaming herself. ''This isn't because of you. Look at me Sara.'' Sara's eyes shifted to him and her heart broke at the pain she had given him, he looked so, so broken. She'd never seen Michael like that, apart from when Lincoln was on death row.

''It's not your fault, you did nothing wrong. It just happened.'' Michael explained word by word wanting her to accept his words, he didn't wanted her to blame herself.

''Okay.'' She agreed her voice so small, as if she was scared. Sara suddenly jerked her other hand off her stomach too, as if it burned her. She took her hand from Michael's too and closed her eyes.

She couldn't see Michael in this state nor did she want him to see her broken. ''I need to rest Michael.'' He stared at her completely confused by her reaction.

''Sara I'm telling you the baby's gone and you want to rest?'' His voice raised, why did it look like she didn't care? He knew she did. Then why wasn't she at least being sad, he could see the heartbreak in her eyes, why was she pushing him away?

''Michael, I feel drained. I need to rest.'' Sara repeated her voice raising too. Michael knew her too well. He held her to him, holding her slender body to his and rubbing his hands up and down her back.

Sara sobed and tears pricked her eyes, she gripped onto Michael's back and buried her face in his chest. She didn't want him to be here, even less to be affective towards her because it broke her.

''I'm so sorry Michael.'' It was all Sara repeated over and over and Michael felt his heart break at his own pain and at hers. They had lost their baby, it was a new hope for the future and both loved it and cherished so much.

''It's not because of you Sara, please don't believe that.'' Michael said in ear and brought a hand on the back of her head to pull her into him and let her weep.

~~~~~~

Sara stared at the glass of whiskey in front of her, three weeks had gone by since she was discharged from the hospital. She had spent a few days at home but soon felt disheartened by the state of grieving Michael and her had dived into.

He had taken days off and was as disheartened as her, only for once Michael did show his emotion. He shared things with her, Sucre and Lincoln. But Sara had found it impossible to do that. She simply gave smiles to everyone and thanked them for coming, she busied herself in serving them sodas and had kept a straight strong face. Like so many times in her life.

She thought she had caused Michael so much pain, she didn't wanted to bother him with her feelings. Instead she would give him smiles when he gave her a pained, compassionate look, she would rub his chest with all her affection never showing her own pain.

At night though, when she was in his arms and he was sleeping, she would hold onto him and weep her heart out silently. A couple of times when the sobs racket her body too violently Michael had woken up and held her, he would cradle her to him and brush his fingers through her auburn hair, he never said anything, because there was nothing that could make it right.

All she wanted was to get back to work so she can forget, forget this ever happened. But it wasn't easy, everyone knew at the hospital and she hated the compassionate, pity looks she got with sorry's from people she hardly spoke to. Sara had tried her best to focus on her work, but the feeling of emptiness and the ache of losing her and Michael's baby never left her.

She found everything meaningless her heart would bleed each time she saw a toddler. Sara had the overwhelming need to reduce her pain, just for a moment, to put things on pause and not be able to feel anything. She had fought herself for the whole week, at times even giving a look towards the storage room where morphine bottles were kept. She tried to close her eyes, splashed her face with water, call Michael.

It worked, when she heard his soothing voice it calmed her nerves, she would assure Michael she was okay and just needed to talk to him in between nervous laughs. When she hung up Sara would crumple on the closed toilet seat and bring her knees to her chest and cry uncontrollably.

But today, she had been unable to control herself when she failed to save a six months old, who had a high fever and just didn't hung on. She had told the news to the parents and seen the mother's heart break and Sara bit her lip. With the shock of losing her child, the mom had blamed Sara, Sara shook as tears rolled down her eyes and repeated she was sorry again and again. Anna had brought her to the locker room and told her it wasn't her fault, Sara had done her best, she had fought to save that baby. Her friend had suggested calling Michael but Sara had denied.

She had called Michael twice already and he didn't answer, he was focussing more and more on work. She knew Michael was fighting his own feelings trying to keep the pain inside and she didn't wanted to add to his worries. She had assures Anna she would go home and she would be fine. Only she didn't.

Sara drove to the nearest bar and after a moment of hesitation she walked out the car and here she was, having to make this decision yet again.

''You baby-killing bitch!'' The woman's words echoed in her ears and Sara brought a hand to her lips trying to keep her tears in. When she had been pregnant, Sara had used to have dreams about the baby, about feeling a kick, about seeing her baby, but the most heart warming dream she ever got was the one where she saw Michael cradling their baby and talking fondly to it.

Tears spilled free on her cheeks at the thought of having taken that from him. Sara brought the glass to her lips but stopped when she recalled Michael's loving arms holding her and rubbing her arms, his blue orbs filled with emotions and she closed her eyes putting the glass down.

_Don't do this. Don't do this. For Michael._

Sara looked out of the window, out on street to look at passerbys and distract herself, it worked for a minute, she shifted her eyes to the TV in the bar and watched the adds, playing nervously with her fingers.

The bartender was giving her looks and she knew it, he was probably wondering if she would actually drink and pay the price, she thought. An add for nappies passed and Sara looked down, she tried to block the toddler's giggles but it didn't work. She was going mad, she was becoming crazy. She needed to put it all on pause, just for a minute. She felt terribly guilty for baby's death, she hadn't even been able to carry her child and she was supposed to be a doctor. She wanted all this to stop, she needed to be able not to feel anything. To be able to forget she ever had a baby growing in her.

Sara took the glass with a deathly grip and in a quick movement she drank the sour liquor. Once her lips had tasted the poison tasting drink that could numb her mind, she couldn't stop herself. Sara gulped down the glass in seconds and ordered a second one, earning a smirk from the bartender.

~~~~~~

Michael had been working all day, he needed to work in order to forget their recent loss. He did cry too, at times, hiding. The pain of losing his child was obvious in his eyes. But he had to hang on, for Sara, he was probably the worst father for thinking that but the pain of losing the baby was no near comparable to the pain he had felt when he had thought Sara was dead in Sona. Nothing was able to make him still see light back then.

But now he knew somewhere, this won't end in darkness, because Sara was safe. It sounded heartbreaking today but he knew Sara was the only thing that would make it all okay. If he hung to his love for her, to her presence, Michael was able to see light. They'd be fine, they'll go through this together someday. He knew that in the inside.

Though, at the moment the pain seemed intense, he needed to work it all out, to focus on meaningless points in the criteria list of each project, to the number indicating each room's size, so he could forget for a while. Forget about the joy he felt at seeing his baby through the ultrasound, forget the happiness he'd see in Sara's eyes each time the baby was mentioned. He still remembered the grin she had on her face and the overjoyed hug she'd given him when they'd shared the new. Regardless of the situation they were in back then, regardless of what she's been through with T-bag, the happiness of becoming a mother had been dominating her feelings.

Michael had never wished to be a father unless the moment he'd learn Sara was expecting his baby, it was all he had wanted that day. And the baby's unplanned conception and it's survival through all what happened made it so special and miraculous to him. It was the symbol of their love, their love that had been stronger that everything. Michael knew, that their love for each other, will be stronger than this too.

They just needed time, he needed time. But he knew he wasn't doing any good by overworking and going home late. Sara had never said anything, she seemed like it was fine with her, she herself accumulated night shifts and extra hours. Maybe their work will be able to help them out, and they could be happy again.

Michael held his crayon in his hand and observed the lines he'd made, his cellphone rang and he frowned seeing the number of someone from their building, the man was decent but they didn't talk that much and Michael couldn't see why would he call him so late.

''Hello?''

''Mr.Scofield?''

''Yeah it's me. Is there anything wrong Mr.James?'' Michael worried a bit about something happening in the neighborhood, but knowing Sara was at work right now, nowhere near danger put him at ease.

''Uh actually..I don't know if I should be telling you this.'' The old man had spoken in a kind of nervous voice and Michael didn't like it.

''Mr.James, if it's anything I have to worry about you should. Has there been a robbery?'' Michael enquired serenely. After losing his baby, material things did matter nothing to him.

''No no, your appartement is safe. Well I..I went to a bar, at the other side of town to pick up my son, teenagers you know. Always creating problems.'' Mr.James chuckled and Michael rubbed his forehead, as much as he liked the man, he didn't knew how his personal problems would interest him.

''And?'' Michael asked patiently.

''I saw your wife, drunk...uh she was a mess.'' Michael's brows furrowed more in disbelief then worry.  ''I did try to offer her a drive, bring her home but she knows me by hi and bye and I didn't think she recognised me in her state. She shouted at me and....I don't know if you two had a fight and I'm sorry about prying in your personal matters but I really think you should go and collect her, you may be upset with her but you wouldn't want her to get into trouble.'' Michael ran his hand over his short hair, he didn't believe Sara would drink. But then her relapse, her confessions about her addiction and her incident after Bruce Bennett's death flashed in front of his eyes and he closed his eyes in despair, she had ruined her sobriety.

''Are you sure it was Sara?'' He asked a surge of doubt still present.

''Pretty sure, tall, brown-red hair? Hospital clothes and..beige casual handbag? Gold wedding ring with small diamonds?'' Michael closed his eyes, it was no doubt, Sara's description.

''Yeah that's her, thank you so much for having called me Mr.James.'' Michael felt an immense feeling of gratitude toward the man, if he hadn't contacted him Michael would have thought she was at the hospital as she had told him and she would be roaming on roads, drunk.

''You're welcome.''

''Could you please tell me which bar was it?'' Michael noted down the bar's address and hung up. He sighed. He never wanted Sara to start drinking again, how did it come to this? He remembered the two missed calls from her when he was in a meeting. Michael should have called her back. He should have. He just didn't wanted to speak to her on the phone, he was avoiding her because he wanted to forget the baby subject.

~~~~~~

Michael stepped into the bar and his eyes scanned the room, it was pretty late and only a few groups of drunk people were left, most of them didn't look nice and were probably night gangs, Chicago's every corner wasn't decent.

He easily found her, laid on the bar and he didn't like the way the barman spoke with her. Michael made big steps till he reached her and placed a firm hand on her shoulder.

''Sara?'' His voice was stern, a little cold but he couldn't help being angry at her for having fallen into alcohol yet again. And he was angrier because this wasn't a nice place, she could easily get into trouble. He felt a pang in the heart thinking desperation and loniless had once made her fall this low, she probably did frequent such people everyday and may have gone for their advances for drugs in the past.


	4. Chapter 4

Michael stepped into the bar and his eyes scanned the room, it was pretty late and only a few groups of drunk people were left, most of them didn't look nice and were probably night gangs, Chicago's every corner wasn't decent.

He easily found her laid on the bar and he didn't like the way the barman spoke with her. Michael made big steps till he reached her and placed a firm hand on her shoulder.

''Sara?'' His voice was stern, a little cold but he couldn't help being angry at her for having fallen into alcohol yet again. And he was angrier because this wasn't a nice place, she could easily get into trouble. He felt a pang in the heart thinking desperation and loniless had once made her fall this low, she probably did frequent such people everyday and may have gone for their advances for drugs.

But now he was here, he wouldn't let her be that woman again, Sara had fought so much to become the sober, helping, amazing woman was, and she had fought even more to be . Michael wouldn't let her ruin that.

''Uh...hello Michael!'' Sara had raised her head to look at him and was smiling stupidly. Michael kept a straight face and collected her bag from the counter.

''Get up, we're going home.'' His tone was neutral. The barman eyed him.

''Hey excuse me man, who the hell are you?'' Michael shot him an angry look while he held Sara by the arm.

''I am her husband, do you have any problem?'' The barman smirked and watched Michael helping Sara get up as she leant on him unable to walk properly.

''Well take care of your little wifey man, she's quite a bold one, escaped home sweet home for five glasses!'' He mocked them and Michael closed his eyes to keep his calm as a few of the dirty men laughed behind. He had rarely felt this humiliated.

''Why did you come? I was having fun!'' Sara pushed him away when they reached the car and Michael did his best not to be angry.

''Get in the car Sara.'' He held her door open.

''I wanted to forget Michael. I wanted to forget everything.'' Sara was on the verge of tears and Michael took a deep breath as he made her sit in the car and put her seatbelt on.

Sara hid her face and wept the whole way, once home she was near asleep, barely conscious and mumbling things. Michael had carried her up and once he put her to bed he wanted to go and change but Sara held onto his shirt.

''I love you Michael.'' He took a deep breath and looked at her dissolved state.

''Sara, why did you drink?'' Michael whispered caressing the top of her head. .

Sara hid herself in his chest. ''I killed them. It's my fault baby died, our baby and that other baby and I'm sorry.'' She said in a broken voice holding on his arms and kissed his chest through his shirt twice. Repeating she loved him.

Michael hugged her back and closed his eyes, they both needed sleep. Sara wasn't in the state to properly explain anything.

Sara opened her eyes as the sun rays hit her eyes and she groaned feeling an atroce migraine in her head. She recalled the death of the six months old baby, the mother's accusation and driving to a bar, drinking and then it was all blank.

She turned in the bed reaching out for Michael but her hand was met with cold air, the sheets were ruffled thought so he had slept beside her. He was probably off to work before she woke up. Sara bit her lip, she hoped she hadn't said anything hurtful to him in her drunken state.

She was surprised seeing Michael coming from the door an aspirin and glass of water in his hands. She searched for his eyes but he avoided looking at her.

''Here, take this. Figured out it would be better than breakfast as of now.'' Michael put the glass on the bedside table and before he could leave Sara held his wrist.

''Michael? Did you take me home yesterday?'' Sara asked and Michael sat on the bed beside her.

''Yes.'' Sara felt a feeling of guilt appear in her heart.

''Did I say or do anything wrong?'' Michael sighed and shook his head.

''Apart from drinking five shots of whiskey?'' His tone had been too cold and he regretted immediately when she looked down ashamed.

He took hold of her hand. ''Sara, why?'' Sara's eyes now escaped his.

''You promised to me you would never lie to me about this Sara. Is it because, because of what happened with the baby?'' Michael's eyes were teary and Sara blinked to stop her own tears.

''Yesterday, a small baby girl was brought to the hospital, she had a fever due to the H1N1 flu, the worst. I tried, I tried but the baby didn't hang on. I had to announce her death to her mother and..she was heartbroken.'' Sara gulped down her tears and Michael looked at her with compassionate eyes.

''She blamed me. And I blame me too, for that baby and for..' Sara's voice broke.

''Look at me, look at me Sara.'' Michael held her head and made her look at him. Sara's eyes were filled with pain and Michael's own pain returned.

''You are a good doctor, I'm sure you tried your best to save that baby. Her mother was just angry, she didn't think or mean what she said.'' Sara looked doubtful and Michael breathed to keep his composure.

''It was not you fault. Not that nor..nor your miscarriage okay? You didn't do anything, took your medicines, rested a good amount of time, you did nothing wrong. It was just due to happen I guess.'' Sara's tears fell down her cheeks.

''I am sorry, so sorry you had to go through all that.'' Sara wept holding onto the hands on her cheeks and resting her forehead against his.

''It's not because of you, we're together in this. We'll make it you'll see. We'll be okay.'' Michael held promised her and Sara took his lips in her kissing him with love.

Michael kissed her back and both pulled back after a while. They looked at each other's pained expressions and Sara hugged Michael.

''I'm sorry for the bar. I just wanted to forget for a while, it was too much.'' Michael closed his eyes.

''I know, but Sara..'' Michael pulled back and put on a straight expression.

''I don't want you to drink, I don't want you to take alcohol as a support and to be dependant on it.'' Michael said firmly. ''You're not ruining your sobriety over this.''

''I did. I already did Michael, I didn't drink since..since Fox River.'' Sara closed her eyes. ''That's more than a year.'' Sara lamented herself, it had been so fearfullt easy to let go.

''It was a small accident, you slipped. It's okay we'll forget it but I don't want you to do it again. Alright?''

''Okay.'' Sara agreed sniffing and drinking the water. ''I'll take a shower leave for work.'' Michael watched her going, still in the previous night's scrubs and hoped they could be able to overcome this.

Sara drove to the Lake Mixhigan, where she'd been walking when Michael asked her to leave the door open. She sat on the stairs playing with her sleeves, she watched the cold water hit the concrete shore and was surrounded by darkness. What if Michael didn't want her anymore, if he blamed her for baby's death, Sara saw no ray of light. The darkness would swallow her, she just wanted to go away. To forget this ever happened.

She closed her eyes letting her tears free, Sara Scofield had never cried in public, Sara Tancredi had, too many times. She felt so lost, like on the many times in her life she came at this place and saw no way out. The pain she felt for losing the baby was unbearable. She couldn't shake of the image of a small smiling toddler in Michael's arms and her heart broke, she gasped as her silent crying let place to heavy sobs. She clutched at her stomach, baby had been hope and a promise of their future together. She had wanted to feel it grow inside her, to finally do something she could be proud of and that she could love with all her heart.

Sara had never imagined herself as a mother, not in her teens, and not in her adult life either. For a long period of her life, she thought she'd always be alone dealing with darkness, hopelessness and emptiness. She imagined herself alone in her apartment in the cold and grey Chicago sky, with needles as her only friends. No one loved Sara for who she was, just used her like she used them, even her father hated her beliefs, no one would ever love her.

When Michael Scofield had first told her he loved her, despite their situation, Sara had seen light, she'd felt warmth and hope and her heart fell full. Sara swore she'd always love Michael and never wanted to be taken by the darkness again. He was the only one in this world who's ever loved her and did love her for her beliefs and herself, not for drugs, not for her body, not because she was the governor's daughter.

Today Sara felt everything slipped out of her hands and she was alone again, in this familiar place, empty hearted and broken. Like she was at nine, when her mother died, like she was at twelve, when her father started politics and she felt all alone, like she was at fifteen, when she had first had sex with someone from the school so he could keep her up with cocaïne supplies. Like she was at eighteen, when she graduated at Northwestern, with the bestest marks but no one, no one was there to clap for her or click a picture of her. Like she was at twenty two, when one of her boyfriend had let her be raped in exchange of more drugs. Like at twenty seven, when she decided to stop the drugs and go to rehab. Just like she was at twenty nine, when she had to chose between her job and her beliefs, between her duties and her love.

And today, Sara, thirty felt the same. The weight of her tormented life was too much on her shoulders, it had been cruel to give her hope and love and a new start if it was to take it from her. She sobbed into her shirt's sleeves recalling other's words. ''Worthless piece of trash'', ''junkie'', ''for drugs? Seriously I didn't knew you could be such a slut!'' Flash of the way she was raped, of the way she'd been with her boyfriends ran through her mind.

Sara didn't deserve Michael, he was such a gentle, intelligent, loving and beautiful man, he didn't deserve someone as fucked up as her. She recalled his words, rehab, the AA book, but nothing seemed good. She was feeling so hurt she just wanted to forget everything, the urge of using had never been so intense. ''Be the change you want to see in the world.'' She recalled Michael saying and closed her eyes.

She rose from the concrete stairs wiping at her eyes and walked to her car, she drove to the hospital and busied herself in helping others.

The pain didn't go away, it got more and more intense over the days and Sara felt like she was losing her grip on things. She pretended she was fine, at work, in front of Michael. But she wasn't. Her miscarriage had affected her more than anyone would imagine. Nightmares haunted her sleep. Sara was cracking, she needed something to get the pain off her chest, to get the thoughts out of her mind.

She couldn't bear it anymore and pushed the door of the storage room open. It was crazy how she seemed so calm from outside, in contrast to the chaos and pain inside her. Sara thought about Michael once again, when he took her in her arms, she would feel so good, the pain would be appeased. Only it wouldn't disappear, Sara wanted it to disappear. To not feel broken and empty all the time.

She tied a ruban to her arm and took the morphine bottle in her shaky hands, she filled the syringe with the drug and jabbed it in her arm. The actions seemed so normal, so casual and learnt, just as she knew how to brush her teeth or button shirts. Sara breathed in and out slowly feeling the morphine working it's effect and feeling light, so light, like she was floating. She closed her eyes, finally she was at peace.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're all still following this, I'm not sure about where it'll end.

''Hi, how was your day?'' Michael had done efforts to come home early, he knew they needed each other and escaping things by work or anything else wouldn't solve them. They needed to fight, like they'd always done. Remain strong, together. And even if a part of him was broken, Michael would be there for her. He had greeted her when she came in from the living room.

 

''Uh fine. I'm tired, going to bed.'' Sara anwsered in a raspy voice and he looked up from his computer to see her walking unstably and thought she might be tired. Michael respected Sara's job, she saved lives and he knew some operations could last hours, aside from the mental tension they gave doctors. He decided no to bother her and let her rest.

 

Half an hour later, he walked to their room and saw her asleep on the bed. Michael sat beside her and observed Sara for a while. LLI made him notice every little detail, like the redness under her eyes, the pale color of her face, she looked terribly sick. Michael had always been sensible to other's suffering, even more when the people in question were the people he cared for. And he loved Sara immensely, sometimes he felt like he needed to leave a space between them, to keep his sanity and to not overwhelm Sara.

 

But in moments like this Michael's heart ached for his wife, her smiling features flashed through his mind and he wished he could take time back. He bent to kiss her head and decided to skip dinner too and lie down beside her, he held her to him. More he needing to hold her than she needing to be held and let a few tears free. Michael had a plan for everything, but he didn't knew this time, what he had to do to make this right. He hoped time would heal them.

 

But Michael was far from imagining what awaited them. A few days later, it was sunday and he woke up to an empty bed. Sara had written him a note saying an emergency happened at the hospital. Michael had made breakfast and took his time to take a hot bath, things had been tiring for him and the situation with Sara was weird, from the outside they just did their job and it looked like they were okay. But on the inside they weren't, and they couldn't hid that for long.

 

He put on a shirt and his boxers and Michael recalled he forgot his deodorant, he guessed he may have another in the bathroom's closed and he searched through Sara's womanly products and stopped when he found two medical bottles. Michael frowned and held the thing in his hand to read it's label. Morphine. He took a deep breath, he shouldn't doubt Sara right?

 

But her distant behaviour and the redness under her eyes could be explained. At times, Michael had seen her playing with her sleeves and squeezing her hands between her knees, and he just realised that it wasn't a nervous habit not to cry, Michael held on the sink. He would wake up to find her shaking and bathing in sweat sometimes at night, it werent nightmares like she had told him.

 

Sara was using. Those were symptoms of her need, dependence on morphine. Michael closed his eyes. He had been powerless and she had fallen into drugs again.

 

He needed to confront her, why? Was he not enough to stop her from destroying herself again? Was it his fault? Michael didn't knew what to think.

 

Sara left her car in the parking of the hospital, there had been no shift, she had drove to the hospital to use the needles and walked through roads and parks, it felt good, like old times. She never felt guilty while lying to her father when she used, she felt like he deserved it, it wasn't as if he genuinely cared anyway, or so she thought. But now, when she lied to Michael, she always felt a punch in the heart. His blue orbs looked at her with so much sincerity and she lied to him, without thinking twice.

 

Once the euphoria caused by morphine died down, Sara felt a deep feeling of regret, she shouldn't be dragging Michael into this mess. There were dozen of times Sara felt the urge to hug Michael and tell him, tell him all she has on her heart, tell him she's not well. But the temptation of forgetting everything with drugs and not feeling anything had been so much easier to take.

 

Sara finally made her way home, around 3 pm. Michael had been waiting for her, he couldn't bring himself to eat anything or start working on his projects, he had been just sitting and thinking. What could he say to Sara?

 

He heard the door open and close and he took a deep breath.

 

''Sara, we need to talk.'' Sara's eyes shot up in Michael's direction, she hadn't been expecting to see him standing like he'd been waiting for her. She'd thought he'd be busy in his occupations.

 

''Uh..well hi to you too!'' She laughed nervously hoping he wouldn't notice the way she didn't walk straight.

 

Michael's heart was broken, and melt, broken because he'd let it happen and melt because it was Sara, his Sara, she was here, were they strong enough to make things work again? Michael still had hope, faith.

 

''Sorry, hi had a good day?'' Sara's eyes seemed lost and when they rested on him he could see longing and pain in them. She looked down for a minute, Michael was so good to her and she was lying to his face.

 

''Yeah, pretty smooth, things were all fine and peaceful, so peaceful.'' Sara said that in a way that alerted Michael and he observed her as she took two steps towards him, swaying slightly.

 

Michael closed his eyes, this was worse than he'd expect. She was high. He softened earlier but anger invaded him again.

 

''Why Sara? Why did you start using again?'' His tone was firm, but never harsh, he could never be harsh with this woman he loved endlessly. Sara looked down, eaten up by guilt.

 

She didn't wanted to hurt him.

 

''I'm not, I'm not using Michael.'' She lied again looking at a point on his chest. She didn't knew why, maybe out of habit. To both his and her own questions. It was a habit to seek confort in drugs whenever something turned her life upside down, and it was a habit to lie to people, even if she knew they wouldn't buy it. She took a step towards him again till they both were a a foot's distance.

 

Michael sighed, he had intended the whole day to be angry at her, confront her. But this time he couldn't, not only because he loved her. His love wasn't weak and he would fight with her, for her, if it could save her. But the tension of the last few weeks had drained him, Michael didn't had a plan, he didn't knew how to make things right. And at the moment he just went with his heart.

 

''Sara.'' Michael held her wrist, squeezing it in his hand. Sara avoided his eyes, she had deceived him so badly, she felt so ashamed Sara couldn't look at him.

 

''I know that what we've been through isn't easy, and I understand that it's broken you. Because the baby was something we were both holding onto for support, after all that's happened to us. It was what was keeping us going..'' Sara looked away her eyes moist and Michael's own voice wavered.

 

''I don't want to talk about it Michael. I'm sorry.''

 

''Don't be sorry Sara. You're not the one who's taken baby away from me, but you are taking yourself away from me and I can't..I can't bear that. If there's one thing I can't live through it's losing you. I..I won't make speeches about drugs's negative effects and the way they destroy lives, because I think you might have heard that so many times already. Just don't take my Sara away from me.''

 

Sara looked down her eyes full of tears and took hold of his hand.

 

''Michael I'm not..'' she stopped when he made a sign of his hand, taking it away from her and she knew he wouldn't believe her lies. She could see she had hurt him, he looked at her up and down and a look of regret and pain washed through his eyes. It was as if he couldn't see her like that.

 

Michael breathed in pushing his emotions back and took his jacket, he needed air, he needed some space to digest things. He needed to be away from her because it was killing him to see her high. It was for him, far worst than if she'd sobbed and cried in his arms, seeing her high was as if seeing her at her weakest, weaker than a sobbing mess.

 

Sara watched him going and fell to the sofa closing her eyes, she didn't knew why it hurt him that she was using. It didn't hurt anyone before, her old boyfriends encouraged it and her father minded it only for his political image. Why would he be hurt? Sara's one side wanted to slap her, because Michael loved her and she was messing it up, she was hurting him and that hurt her too but right now the other side of her shut any kind of thoughts out her mind, because right now felt so good. So calm and relaxing.

 

Michael came back to hear Sara's retching through the bathroom door of their bedroom. He closed his eyes, they needed to talk, it was all he could do to save her from herself. But Michael was scared, his fear being that he wouldn't be enough for her to resist her old demons.

 

Sara walked out of the bathroom her face damp with the cold water she'd splayed on herself. She was surprised to see Michael sitting on the bed.

 

''Come here...Sara come here.'' He opened his arms for her and Sara's heart ached. He wasn't angry like her father had always been, he wasn't accusing or insulting or moralizing. He was there, for her. She melted her face crumpling as she walked to his welcoming arms.

 

Michael made her sit on his lap sideways and held her head to his chest, he smothered his fingers in her hair while she rubbed hers on his chest, as if trying to sooth his bleeding heart. She lay a kiss on his chest. ''I'm sorry I've hurt you, I never wanted to.'' Michael closed his eyes in relief, she was talking to him and that was new, she didn't sincerely talk about her feelings since she was out of the hospital.

 

''You know Sara, whenever I used to feel guilty for all the lives taken for my plan, all the people I made suffer...I would look at you, see you smile and the happiness on your face and it would all go away. Because I'd think it was worth it.. Since the baby is gone, all I see on your face is sadness, and I'm okay with that because you're grieving, and I'm grieving and it's okay to be sad.'' Michael paused to take something out of his jeans pocket.

 

''But when I found these.'' He showed her the morphine bottle and Sara looked away. ''When I saw you..in that state. I felt even more guilty because of where I've taken you.''

 

Sara's eyes turned back to his and he saw raw pain in them. She held a hand to his cheek and shook her head. ''Don't blame yourself, it's not your fault. Please don't blame yourself Michael.'' Sara breathed desperately. She never wanted him to think like that, nothing was in his hands this time.

 

''It's all mine. I..I needed to feel better.'' Sara spoke with all honesty, god, she didn't wanted to lie to this man and she hated herself for it.

 

''And do you feel better now Sara? Have you forgotten our little one?'' Sara looked away closing her eyes briefly.

 

''You can't. You can't escape your pains Sara, there will always be here and the more you put yourself into oblivion the harder it's gonna be whenever you're pulled back to reality. You need to face this, fight, like you always did. Fight and overcome this, accept it.''

 

''It's not easy Michael.'' Sara said in a low voice trying to keep herself composed.

 

''I never said it was, this is easy.'' He showed her the morphins bottle again. ''But you know where it'll take you. I don't need to tell you it's not a solution.'' Sara nodded sniffing and pushing the tears back.

 

''Alright, now I need you to promise me, that you're not going to give up. That you'll fight, fight yourself, it can be harder than fighting the Company, but you're strong, and I need you to promise you're never touching a needle again.'' Michael looked into her eyes and held her hand that she'd let on his face.

 

''It's going to be hard considering I'm a doctor Scofield.'' Sara used a playful tone and Michael knew it was her way to show she was strong.

 

''I promise, I promise I'll do all in my might to fight this.'' Sara spoke sincerely and Michael kissed her forehead.

 

''Thank you, we're going to be okay Sara. You'll see.'' Michael held her back to him and Sara clung to him, she was drowning and he looked like the only life jacket in sight.

 

 


End file.
